When Enough is Enough

I don’t have my laptop with me . I went away this weekend and I wrote every day, so i will put those entries in tonight. But for today I have to make a list for Amy for 10 things I can do to prevent a break down…so i will do that now.
Home.
1. Take a shower
2. Read a book
3. Go for a walk
4. Go to a coffee house and sit
5. Write in my blog
6. Clean and do laundry
7. Paint and draw
8. Meditate
9. Learn something new to cook
10. Do something nice for someone
11. In an emergency call Amy
12. Read a book on borderline personalitly disorder, to help put things in prespective.
Thats all I can think of.
Work.
1. Do work
2. Take a drive
3. Go outside and breath
4. Write in my blog
5. Stop and think about how unrealisting I am being
6. In an emergency call amy
I don’t have many options here, I get worse at work because I feel confined. But I will leave work for a little while if I have to to avoid a sceen because I’m afraid of loosing my job. I also feel very gulity and embarrased the next day for breaking down here. At home it is easier to distract myself. But I will go through the list and do what i need to do. I can’t let this control me, I have to remember that on my good days I am strong and independent, and there is no reason for me to not be able to do that on my bad days if I do posses those traits. I will not go to Mike, I will not hurt myself to get attention, because I’m afraid of doing it on my own. I will work hard and beat this. I have a lot of work and counseling a head of me. I will take my medicine everyday. And work very hard. I will take what amy tells me and learn from it. I will also begin to bring my laptop to write down notes of what she tells me about coping skills so that I may remember them and go back and read them. I will get through this no matter how hard it is. I am strong, and can do this. When I’m alone, I’m not really alone. Just because im physically alone doesn’t mean the world and everyone in it disapears, I still have people. And most improtantly I still have myself. And I have to look at it as being alone will help me get to know myself and be ok alone. Its a work in progress and I will be patient yet fight.