When Enough is Enough

This blog must be so redundant. I have the same problems over and over, and mike and i talk about them over and over. And i feel bad because i haven’t changed yet over and over. Too needy annoying, can’t leave him alone at work, it goes on and on. And i get upset everytime i hear it as if i’ve never heard it before. I even talked to Amy the whole session about that. I don’t think he realizes how bad it is. But she did say i could loose him if i don’t stop. I don’t know what it is….i’ve never been like this with anyone but him i don’t think. Maybe i have and just don’t remember or know it. Damn it i suck. I have to leave for ceramics in 20 min. I guess i’ll vent to lynn. But shes going to want to talk about her job and i don’t want to upset her or take the spotlight off of that. I just feel like i have what i’ve always wanted and i never want to let him go and always want to be around him and talk to him. I know that may sound pathetic, and i may just be justifying. Im not sure. Damn bpd. i swear.
Im going to be alone all day and night tomorrow. im scared. See its that bad. Im scared about how upset im going to be, and that whenever im not going to see him at night i try to talk to him even more during the day and i can’t do that. Im scared, because of that, because starting tomorrow again i have to really try to not talk to him unless i really need to. Im so fucking depressed now. i don’t want to do anything, i don’t want to go to ceramics, i don’t want tomorrow to come….. i don’t want to be in this house, i want to go to the extreme and completly push him away because i don’t know how to do anything in the middle. Man im a nut case. oh well. i will like i said start again tomorrow trying to not be annoying or needy. i usually do good for a couple days, then i forget what im doing and go back to normal.
its only 7 i wish i could either leave or go to bed, i don’t feel like being around him right now i feel foolish. I don’t want to talk to him, and im scared. What happened to me.

Filed under: No More Egg Rolls on February 20th, 2007