The numbness
Of today
Brings sorrow
In a passing way
Needing to move
Unable to get up
Shows that my feelings are stuck
Feeling like he has all the control
And there are no comprises
Feeling negative
I could be irrational
I called you durning lunch
Your voice was hushed
You could be cheating
Or i could be loosing it
I guess i needed more
Out of the conversation
But I am […]
Filed under: No More Egg Rolls on November 30th, 2006 | 1 Comment »
Ok so I do have more to write
Beautiful day out
Sitting outside
Im still afraid to be alone
I still worry he will not return
I am fine for a while
Then the fear sets in
The panic
The yearning to be near him
I thought i was getting better
Im working so hard
I don’t understand
How i have not found myself
Wondering how to fix […]
Filed under: No More Egg Rolls on November 26th, 2006 | No Comments »
So i got through Thanksgiving
Mikes family was warm and welcoming
I cried for a bit
But with his support
Pushed forward
Now im sitting on the couch
It is Sunday
I have to get dressed
Get moving
No motivation
Just want to relax
But the leaves await
As do the Christmas lights
I guess I’ll go now
Not much else to say
Oh i started bowling again
It felt so […]
Filed under: No More Egg Rolls on November 26th, 2006 | 2 Comments »
I am determined and hopeful
I wonder why the world is in chaos
I hear the storm
I see an angel
I want my soul to soar
I am determined and hopeful
I pretend I paint a thousand pictures
I feel the presence of a little one
I touch the unseen grave
I worry i have been washed away
I cry for my father
I am […]
Filed under: No More Egg Rolls on November 26th, 2006 | No Comments »
Speaking of not being able to see the positives
My mother
Dare I say despise
Shes a liar
And i was honest with her
Apparently im too stressful
Apparently im not a good enough daughter
Apparently Im doing something wrong
Im sorry I look at it as my fault
Im not there yet where i can look at it as her problem
Im hurt
On a […]
Filed under: No More Egg Rolls on November 23rd, 2006 | No Comments »
I guess instead of all the heartbreak
The sickness
The anger
The hurt
The pain
That I have I should fine something positive
I will pretend I am little again
And write a list of the things i am thankful for
Mike
Family
Friends
Counsoling
im still alive
the cats
the fish
for the memories of my dad atlhough sometimes i have no good ones
This is stupid because […]
Filed under: No More Egg Rolls on November 23rd, 2006 | No Comments »
Group was extremly hard for me today
We talked about the holidays
We talked about loss
I talked about my dad dying
My guilt and regret
The feeding tube
The retirement home
I think thats also why the holidays are so hard
Not just because i miss him
But because of all these other feelings
I haven’t made that connection until now
Makes sense to me
Atleast […]
Filed under: No More Egg Rolls on November 21st, 2006 | No Comments »
This is something i wrote in group when i first started….
The weekend was good but rough
The times I was alone I was depressed
And really wanted to smoke
Instead i smoked 2 packs of cigarettes a day
I realize how much i have to work on BPD
I have to learn how to take control
Like yesturday Mike and i […]
Filed under: No More Egg Rolls on November 20th, 2006 | 1 Comment »
the world as i knew it
is fading fast
supposed to be getting better
instead its crumbling under my feet
my heart is being squeezed
it hurts so bad
to know the man i love
might not last
fighting and misunderstanding
my fault
his fualt
im giving it my all
but its not enough
i don’t want to give up
but if it gets bad enough
i must
that hurts to […]
Filed under: No More Egg Rolls on November 19th, 2006 | 1 Comment »
Im drained
Im tired from every aspect of the spectrum
I want to go back to bed
I know i can’t
Im drained
Im tired from the running around
The ups and downs
Will do that to you
I keep falling
And pushing and scratching
To get back up
So much energy used
Im drained
Im tired and want to go back to sleep
I can hide under the […]
Filed under: No More Egg Rolls on November 18th, 2006 | 1 Comment »
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