……………
i’ve been here before
I just wonder how many times
Im going to be here
How many times the bottom
Is where I am
Im putting myself into a situation
Unknown
Im scared
Im excited
Im needy
I want to take pills
Im dependant on him
Drain him
I want to be better
I want to act like a 24 year old woman
Not an inadequete emotionally child
I want to be strong
My sister said I was
Shes the one that reminded me
That i’ve been here before
And that I got through it then
And i can get through it now
I guess I worry about money
I know I do
I worry about Mike
I worry about work
I worry
When Im supposed to be concentrating
On myself
I worry about everything but myself
I am indifferent
I don’t care at this exact moment
Whether I live or die
That may sound morbid
Or upsetting
But its not to me
And it shouldn’t be to you
It will pass
I will have that need again
That need to BE
To live
To live life to its fullest
Where I dream of a future
Getting married
Having kids
Painting
Writing
Meeting people and forming bonds
And loving and cherishing the people
I have in my life now
Theres so much good
Why can’t i just see it
Why am i blind right now to the truth
Why does my irrational mind win
How can i change that
How am i going to stop smoking pot
It brings out my feelings and thoughts
Lets me relax
Lets me breathe and continue
You’re taking away my crutch
Even drinking
Nothing
I’ve also been here before
And done it
It was hell and hard in the beginning
And sweetly bitter at the end
In the middle
It was amazing
I don’t feel like writing anymore
Filed under: No More Egg Rolls on October 28th, 2006
I know exactly what you mean. You are gifted at expressing the emotions you fell in words . . . I know what it is like, and it will pass, and you will be able to see soon how good it is.