When Enough is Enough

I woke up in a funky mood. I can’t kick it and i feel like im going to cry. Im so anxious i took another xanax. The doc said i could when i needed it so i did. Im ready to break down if i wasn’t at work i probably would, just get it over with and be fine. Theres no option of leaving work, too much time i’ve taken off, also too much work to do finally. But it doesn’t help its on a day im funky. Plus it sucks because his mom is coming over for dinner tonight, and i really just want to go home and realax. Im staying here until 530 today, and they are coming at 6. So mike has to clean alone today, and hes pissed about it, this morning i was like i have to stay until 530 hes like no you don’t i said yes i do im going in at 930, i have to, i already got talked to once about it, i am not going to be a bad worker, so was like thanks alot. Oh well.

I feel like i have nothing to say, just that i feel horrible and don’t know why.

I talked alot with my counsolr yesturday. She wants to help me piece my childhood together…. she thinks its odd i don’t remember my mom or dad or trips at all. I think its weird too. i remember playing with friends, i remember a hanging basket in the kitchen, I remember bad things i did to some girl… thats about it. Not much until the divorce. I told her the last consolor wanted me to get hypotised, she said well im not suggesting it unless you want it… so she said we’ll spend the next couple of sessions trying to piece it together to see if it works, then i have a feeling shes going to suggest it.

Still feeling horrible trying not to take a handful of pills to make it all disapear … i don’t know how dinner will go tonight i really don’t… i don’t even know where to go to relax if i don’t make it to dinner. Maybe i’ll just appologize and say im really not feeling well and would like to lay down .

gatta go

Filed under: No More Egg Rolls on August 22nd, 2006