When Enough is Enough

So I got a phone call from my mom at the end of work yesturday saying my step dad wanted to see a written budget from me. I flipped out…obviously if you read previous entries of yesturday it was a bad day to begin with, this just put me over the edge. I flipped out saying that was personal and as long as im paying off my debt why does he care. I felt so violated and insulted. I don’t think this is a resonable request. So i sat at my desk and cried hard but silently. I asked Mike if i could sit in his backyard until he got home….he said he would give me his keys. That was amazing. Right then it seemed like a savior…like he scooped me up and protected me without me having to ask. Now looking back on it, it even means more to me than that.
When I got to his house, i reasted smoked, did a couple shots, played on my laptop then cleaned and did some laundry. mike came home and made dinner…we had a pleasent evening…he even let me watch law and order. It was exactly what i needed without asking. Thinking about it now swells my heart. I talked to a friend over the computer, and wish i could of talked longer, but i had to get up and clean. He is a very nice person and we have similar problems. Just at a differnet place with them, i have meds he doesn’t. But even with meds its a never ending cycle. Both are horrible…but i feel thankful for them….and wish the same for him. He is a good friend and i hope i help him.
Today I woke up sleepily but happily.. Mike and I woke up at differnt times at night together. To get a drink, he couldn’t sleep and i wasn’t sleeping well…but we woke up happily together. Cuddling a bit smiling. I took a shower and put on a long skirt…granted i have sneakers on with mix matched socks, but its a skirt and i feel pretty today…and i also feel very happy. The storm has passed. And it feels great. Im worried about Dinyel and hope shes ok. I pray for her…and think about her all the time. I feel like i can’t help her…i feel like i don’t know what to say because i get so concerned, and don’t want to pump her for her emotions or feelings. She always knows the right thing to say to me, and i feel bad because i don’t feel like i do that for her. I wish i could, i love her to death and hope shes ok. Maybe her storm will pass soon too…. it always does i, some are just differnet and last longer or shorter than others.
I feel bad because I never called my brother back I will call him today. It just wasnt’ a good couple of days for me, i really wanted to go over there too. Oh well I’ll have to make time soon.
I just heard something about a gift certifercate on the radio, i forgot i got 2 for my b-day and need to use them. I think they’re in my car. I only have one more appointment to reschedual, with my neruologist. Its not until August but thats ok, he just has to look at my MRI or whatever it was of my brain. They are sending me a refil of my meds so i’m fine…i don’t know why they don’t give me refills, maybe its because i haven’t gone back in a little while. Oh well. no biggie.
I have to figure out, again, what im doing after work . My appointment with Amy is not until 7…i get done work at 430 and its right around the cornor. I could either stay at work read and play on the computer, or i could go to pjs and eat, but i think thats a bad idea i will be too tempted to drink, or i could go to mikes then come back LOL so many options. I think i’ll just wind up staying here so i don’t have to drive double in the heat with no air. I drop my car off tomorrow to get fixed so thats good. Im hoping they can fix it in one day. But if not, I am going to try and pick the car up then bring it back the next day, if they are just watiting for a part or something. If not, i get a free rental car again anyway since its still under warrenty. That will be good.
My stomach hurts soooo bad again today. i don’t know whats up with that. maybe i still have the stomach virus. Or maybe i am just stressed.
Ok I guess I will get back to work now maybe i’ll write more later…im sure i will little thoughts here and there.

Filed under: No More Egg Rolls on July 19th, 2006