When Enough is Enough

So … where do i start, my heart is aching so bad, its horrible. It hurts knowing what she has done to me, to all of us..for so long…hiding stealing breaking promises and hearts. My only parent left and i don’t want to hold on to her. But how much can i say to her, i live there, not often or anything but i still live there. I can’t start a war now, i can’t distance myself now, one day i vow to.
My daddy, its been so hard on me latley for some reason. Im crying a lot latley because i miss him so much..i mean theres always that sadness and missing but this is much more powerful then that. On my birthday i was taking a trip up north for work and i felt him…i felt his presence so strong around me as if he was hugging me …i’d never felt that before so strong. I loved it…. i wish it could happen every day that strong. One day i’ll get to a place where i feel him all the time. Hes always with me i know that. I miss him. I miss everything about him. Im being selfish right now..but i miss his protection i miss his warm heart and listening ear, his laugh his cries, his illness his health his everything.
How how could life of happened this way. I know its for a reason…i know i can’t have a pity party for myself, im going to get it all out here now, all of my hurt, then go finish doing yard work and snap out of it. Im going to get what i have to get done.
We have to go to my moms for dinner and im dreading it. I really am. I don’t want to see her or be nice to her or anything of the sort, i don’t want to see ron, i don’t want to pretend. I hate it, i can’t say i hate her even though i do alot, my hate has to turn to pity. I pity her and her ways, she doesn’t even realize how she is i don’t think. God i pray i never turn out like her. Thats why i want to distance myself from her badly.
i’ll go do yard work now. I have to remember not to get myself too depressed and do things to keep my mind off of it i have to push myself.

Filed under: No More Egg Rolls on July 9th, 2006