When Enough is Enough

Im really tired and cranky right now. And apparently bugging mike, hes busy and im icqing him. So whatever. I will just go home and do what i have to do and see what time he calls me. If i go over there i do if not i won’t i don’t give a fuck. i will stop cause we’re at work and its not right for me to be icqing him when hes busy and got in trouble today. i will just do whatever. So sorry i was excited to see him…didn’t mean to want to go over there after work. But out of the blue now he has to get his hair cut which is fine but hes acting like he mentioned it before and didn’t …. so whatever i will go do what i have to do at my moms and sit around and wait for him to call then run over there like i always do. Im just being mean and cranky and instead of doing it to him since its not justified i will do it here. I just want to go home and go to bed, im so tired. Thats why i wanted to go over his house right after work im afraid i will fall asleep at my moms, cause thats what i always do since i don’t want to be near her or talk to her i just go to bed. So fabulous. When he calls me i’ll just get up and go over.

I haven’t had one of my meds for 2 days now. Ugh. The stupid place is never open or just not taking phone calls already anymore. Now mike and i are fighting about that he said i never listen to him , i said you’re right i never listen to you so sorry. Im all pissy now. I should just tell him we shouldn’t talk today anymore. Great i hate fighting this sucks. hes trying to make me feel guilty about wanting to come over. I hate this … now im not going over there at all today what the fuck. I m so pissed i don’t want to anymore. Sorry i want to see you , didn’t mean to fuck up your day. UUUGGGHHHHH one hour to go and we start fighting now. WTF.

Im in such a bad mood now seriously i hate this shit. Now hes saying im not doing anything about my meds, and that this is the first time in a while im jumping on him. I told him it was a misunderstanding of our plans no big deal wtf….like i care he goes and gets a hair cut and stuff. I just didn’t know he was going what do i care. I do my laundry at my moms fart around do my bills i don’t care. Then when he calls if im done i’ll go over there . UGUGUGUGUGHHGHHEDIHFOhfioeahtfirja owihyoawhfeaiojrfawieofruroijfrawieoufojljfld…..why is this such a big fucking deal all of a sudden . I hate this shit. Hes stressed and I’m tired, great combination.

I just appologized to him and said can we stop fighting. He said its ok babes. And i said aren’t you sorry too, we both misunderstanded. and he said im sorry i hurt your feelings, then we started talking about the girl.

Now im in half a good mood and half pissy. Maybe not having the meds is effecting me. But the only problem is that ive been trying to call them i really have been this is annoying and not fair.

I dread the rest of my day now. I hate when im like this . I pick fights and im sensitive. I hope once its 430 and i leave here i won’t be….now mike and i are joking around. i get so confused. what is wrong with me, i have been fine for a couple weeks now i feel all out of sorts. Maybe it is just a normal out of sorts because i didn’t get any sleep last night and ate a lot…maybe its the meds. I can never tell because of all the meds..whats a human normal reaction and whats my fucked up medicated reaction.

i have 40 more min to go. So this is going to be a long entry. I am in touch with my friend john again and i write him messages over myspace i know he reads them but he never writes back. i wonder why. maybe he is busy and maybe he just doesn’t want to talk to me. I don’t know…see now im being all paranoid. the best thing for me to do tonight when i get to mikes is probably to either lay on the couch with my mouth shut or go to sleep before i start a real fight. Im so diffucult to deal with sometimes….the only time mike and i fight is when im like this . Its all my fault.

I will go to the doctors office tomorrow during lunch to get my prescription. I need my meds.

I have a little work to do left that i have been saving i may as well do it now. bye

Filed under: No More Egg Rolls on June 22nd, 2006