When Enough is Enough

Apparently Amy is teaching me something….. Because there is work stuff going on and i have to change pysciatrists and im not overwhelmed at all. I can handle it. The only thing im stressing over today is my gyn appointment. They might have to give me the big test and i don’t feel like being in pain today, because afterwards i have to stop for my prescriptions then do laundry.

I was at my moms last night and could not take it at all. Im so sick of eating in her room. I asked her last night if we could eat downstairs and she said no. Every time I come home she is sleeping. No wonder why she doesn’t sleep at night.

Mike and I were amazing last night, I love being with him like that. I really do. I feel sooo close to him latley….maybe because im doing better, i mean i always feel close to him, but recently it has been much stronger.

Things are going well, I have been stable for 2 weeks…. i don’t really get excited about it, i get thankful. I don’t take it for granted and I don’t expect it. I don’t expect to be bad either, i take day by day and cope and deal and push and fight. I have to….thats the only way to get better. I mean don’t get me wrong the meds help alot. It makes me stable enough to where I can force myself to learn differnt habits and ways of thinking. Last night with amy she compared it to a baby. i have to re learn my thoughts and behaviors all over again until I emotionaly catch up to my age. I have to think before I react. Can’t use my emotional mind over my rational mind. I can do it. I’ve been working really hard. Thank goodness I have been able to do it. I’m proud of myself and thankful for those who support me. That is very important.

I met someone over myspace yesturday. He is a very nice guy. I hope to be friends with him. He is in a similar situation that I am in, and now im glad he has someone to talk to and maybe i can help…i can’t fix but i can help through talking and getting things out. It goes around in a circle. Dinyel helps me I help other people like Michael my friend….Michael helps me..now there is another person in the circle and im thankful for him. I put that i was bipolar and borederline personality disorder in my myspace profile for that very reason. So people who want a safe person who understands to talk to they can. I want to help people. Michael and I are going to start a chat room community thing on lj. I think that will be good too if it catches on.

Now I just have to learn how to deal with living at my moms without letting it affect me and my mood. I have to realize that is her and rons life and it has nothing to do with me. I have to stay strong and not get sucked in. I have to not be depressed when im there. I should sit downstairs more and see if my mom will get out of bed.

Well I guess that is it for now. I have to finish work, im leaving at 230 today. UGGHHH i hope tonight goes well, not looking forward to any part after i leave work at all. I hope it doesn’t hurt too bad or cost too much money. I can’t get my brakes fixed or my air fixed because i forgot to add this appointment in my budget so i have to wait 2 weeks for all of that.

Filed under: No More Egg Rolls on June 20th, 2006