When Enough is Enough

WOW….I had such a great weekend, exhausting but great!!!!

Friday wasn’t busy mike was cleaning and apparently I just followed him around hahahahahaa….but saturday we got up around 8 or 9 and went to the farmers market got some vegtables and flowers…then we went to Laurel Lodge to give blood. I did it for the first time!!!! HHAHAHAHA i gained enough weight finally.. (not sure how happy i am about that part though lol). The we went to the Masonic home for a big bbq. All the food and ice cream and funnel cake and games were free. Lots of pretty balloons around and prizes…little kids having a great time. I met some people that I should of… It was a great time! Mike won me a blow up butterfly and I won him a blue blow up monkey!!! Then at the end i was so determined to win a purple crayon that i kept playing this one game..of course i was standing in line with 6 year olds LOL…but i couldn’t do it. So mike went back over and had to play one game win something, then went to the game that had the last purple crayon, i don’t think he won that one but traded what he did win for the crayon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was sooo happy and thought that was soooo sweet.
Then we went to his aunts house for a graduation party for his cousin that graduated 8th grade…ate again..mike and I went in the pool, it was soooo much fun!!! Drank some wine then went home and passed out instead of cleaning hahahahaa.
Sunday we got up early and I cleaned the entire house..while mike prepared the outside for the fathers day bbq that we were having for his father. Then he started cooking, his brother was there and i had a great time with him as usual hahah he makes me laugh!!! His father and kate, his grandmother, jack and pete from the masons were there, dave, his girl and her mom stopped by and my mom and ron were there!!!! And there was still plenty of food left over!!! It went so well though…Mike did such an amazing job with everything! It was our first bbq together i was so happy. Although i was a bit anti social I sat at a different table and kept smoking and then would help clean up and do all of that put the extra food away….but i didn’t mind….I just wanted to stay away from my mom i don’t know why. I missed my dad, I could vividly picture him sitting there with everyone and having a good time with his coffee. HAHHAHAAAA….
Im sad that my dad can’t meet the love of my life I really am. I know hes up there and knows and is happy for me…but i wish they could shake hands and one day if we get married, he could of asked his permission and he could of walked me down the ile. But my brother will do that instead and I will know daddy is there with me the whole time. Thats a long ways off but it is things i think about …. little girl sad daddy thoughts.
Mike and I are so much better now that i have been stable. We get along so amazingly when im happy and not breaking down. I realize now that I can be irrational. And there is a time and place to talk about things. Like he hurt my feelings at one point but i know it wasn’t intentional so i waited until after everyone left and we cleaned up and were just sitting on the couch and I calmly let him know. He said he didn’t mean to make me feel like that. So I know im getting better. I love him so much it is unbelieveable. When I break down I tell him he doesn’t understand and hes not there for me. But in realitly he is amazing to me and really is there for me and tells me things that make me feel so amazing. he is amazing.
I have amy tonight….so it will be a good session i will be happy to tell her the good things i have been doing and working hard at. Things will come together. I know they will. Its almost my birthday too!!!!!!!!!!!! Im so excited! 24 wow!!
I feel so bad for mike today, he didn’t sleep well at all and is soooo tired, and his back hurts sooooo bad, i wish i could help him. he even has the masons tonight so he can’t go right home and rest I wish he could he needs it. Maybe he will get lucky and it won’t run long. he seems very busy at work today too. We haven’t even gone to lunch yet and it is 1.
I am being very productive today though. I did one stat spreadsheet already, called the sign company, called the air condioning and heating compay to get a contract together. in the afternoon I will do the second spreadsheet and hope the sign company calls me back, because scott wants this moving quickly. Im not afraid of work or my job today. I feel amazingly great. I have to do laundry tonight and clean out my car and i don’t even mind. I want to start pushing myself like mike said to do….even when im tired instead of going to bed at 7 i need to push myself to get the things done that i need to. Its hard but this weekend motivated me. It felt so good when I was done cleaning his house….i felt great about it that i accomplished it today. I will also stop at kmart and get a patch to fix mikes down comforter that I burned a hole in my accident. All the feathers are flying everywhere. he flopped on the bed yesturday right in the spot and it looked like it was snowing in the room. I felt so bad!!!! So i will do that today as well. Maybe if hes not late tonight I will go over there but I doubt it. He needs rest and i need to get things done and rest as well. not that we don’t rest together ….. but i will give him a break. I wonder if i will have to eat dinner in my moms bedroom tonight. I think im going to ask her if we can eat at the table. …. if shes feeling up to it of course!!! LOL.
My mom said ron is the reason she never goes out. She said that ron is so used to taking care of her that he gets scared when she goes out without him…and calls her 50 times when she does. But i don’t understand why she doesn’t just say, im feeling better and can do these things now. im sure its her fault too…giving in and giving up at times. Its a mess, but it is not my mess anymore. I have tried to help her for years . She did sit outside with me on friday when i wanted to sit in the sun. That was nice of her. I just let her ramble on about the family and things, i don’t really listen i would just rather have her company without all the drama stories..but thats her, i just learned to tune her out and just say yeah…or you told me that 5 times already!!! But I can’t complain at all they are letting me live there rent free and helping me out. So I’ll take what I can get…I just want my mom to be better thats all.

Filed under: No More Egg Rolls on June 19th, 2006