When Enough is Enough

This is the worst week. I have to super pack and work my butt off and not get too emotional so that i can finsih . I have so much to do tonight, then go home and pack. I have to be all finished packing by thursday. Mike and I go away Friday-Monday. And I’m going to get the truck for Tuesday night. My brother and ron are going to help me get to my aunts. I’m going there tonight to see how much space she has. So i know how much i can keep there. I have to do my bedroom, and then i will be done. And some stuff in my bathroom….the clothes will be the hardest part. My mom doesn’t have that much room for me ….so i can only take a little . Im at work, wishing I was home packing right now. If worst comes to worst i will go buy boxes. I don’t know. I guess everything will be ok..I just have to get through this week and thats it. I can do it i know i can. I miss my cat for some reason today, i just want to be at home cuddling with him. Probably a saftey thing. This is the best thing for me i know that. The credit card check better come in soon…..Everything is due today, and till the end of this week, and i need medicine. UGH, money sucks, but soon i won’t have to worry about it, just until the end of this week. I can do it, i know i can;…..now i just want to smoke, but we just did so i can’t go out, I have to wait until they leave for lunch.

I had a good day yesturday though. I brought Cat over to Mike’s. I was so upset at first….crying hysterically on the car ride over because Cat was crying so much and was getting sick, so i put him on my lap and held him, he was panting with his mouth open like he was having an anxiety attack….i felt like a horrible mommy, taking his home away from him. I feel better now though about it. He adjusted quickly to mike’s house….I just hope that in time, Mike’s cats will adjust to him, they run away from him, but i hope it will get better and they can get along. Cat was sitting on the couch with us, and was on the bed when i woke up….so hes fine and comfortable. i just hope hes using the litter box and eating. im sure he will. As long as the cats don’t start peeing everwhere we will be fine. Mike is allergic to cat and it makes me feel awful….I hope he gets used to him, and when I have the money when I move in with my mom…..I will get him groomed. I might have to ask Mike to take him, I don’t know if I can handle another car ride with cat….although hes allergic and I probably shouldn’t ask him to take him. I don’t know we’ll see. He needs a bath though. I’ll get it done, whatever it takes. I love Mike…and I love my cat. LOL, I would die if i had to give up my baby kitty. I would figure something else out. I hope it doesn’t come down to that….I’m going to stop thinking about the bad, and just think that it will work out just fine.

I love life. I don’t know where that came from but it just popped into my head. I guess that is the energy I will go with today…be positive work hard and get done what I need to get done, to make a better life for myself. And get rid of the past anyway. Not hanging on to a house that was never really home to me. I feel at home when i go to Mikes….i don’t feel at home when I go to my house….i can’t even sleep in the bed for goodness sakes…and I was never ever there.

I have to start getting in shape and loosing weight. When I am settled I will start to excersice. I have to …I look ridiculous. I really do. I don’t want to be unattractive for Mike, or feel weird in my own body. Its just not right.

Filed under: No More Egg Rolls on May 22nd, 2006