When Enough is Enough

I had a really bad day yesturday, but my mom was there, and really helped me. She came over around 12n and stayed until 8pm, until i went over mike’s so i wouldn’t be alone. I didn’t get much packing done, but we sat and talked and i drank wine. It was what i needed i was too overwhelmed to pack everything…i needed an emotional break. Ron did take my stuff that is going to my mom’s back with him, so thats taken care of. I have to start bring my art stuff over to mike’s today, i asked him when hes done building his table hes making right now if he could clear a spot and i could go home and measure my kitchen table to see if i could bring it and put it in his basement. that would be awsome, so i would have a place to do my art when im here, if not i will pack the table and put it at my aunts house with the rest of my furniture. UUGGHHHH i just don’t know if it will all be done in time. I hope so. I will work really hard this week, no matter how late i have to stay up. Im also bring cat over to mike’s today. I hope it goes well. I really do, im worried how he will react to the other cats and how they will react to him. I’m sure it could take a month or more for him to adjust seeing he is very very sensitive and used to being an only child. Plus he’ll be in a new envierment. But he won’t be alone all the time now, which i know will be better for him

I go away this weekend coming up, so that is a whole weekend i won’t have to pack…but i’ve been looking forward to this so much. I have to get everything done this week, or else i won’t be able to go away. I hope that credit card check comes in this week. I still have to pay 100 for the trip. Plus i have to get medicne and stuff. Pay my cable bill that is over due. uugghhh so much on my mind. I have to give amy a check for 90.00 tomorrow. But it will be good to go and talk to her. I need it right now, then i will go home and pack. i’ll probably need more boxes which might be a pain in the ass to get. I have to go to the liqor store today too to get boxes after 1:00. so much so much… I just have to keep telling myself that it will be ok. i wish mike could help me more. i really do. But i understand i guess. I should say it hurts but i understand.

I just don’t take change well. I know that, so i have to use knowing that to work through it. to accept it.

I was just telling mike that i can’t belive how bad i used to drink. Doing 10 shots a night, throwing up multiple times, just kept drinking, every single night . Just doing things i wouldn’t do now. But i can’t dwell on that, i can only use that as a lesson, and not look back with regret. Atleast i know where i don’t ever want to be again in my life.

Ok im done for now, i don’t feel like thinking anymore, im starting to get anxiety now. And im so Pop and Tart ( i get all talkative and use my pointer fingers to talk LOL, thier names are pop and tart, its a joke between mike and stuff its hilarious, thats what he calls me when im all over the place, hes like oh no, pop and tart is here LOL )

Filed under: No More Egg Rolls on May 21st, 2006