When Enough is Enough

So…. my landlord came over this morning, and he said if i can get all of my things out by the 1st of june then i don’t have to pay july’s rent only june. So i have 2 weeks to get all of my things out. I’m going to start tonight getting the things together for my mom’s house that way it will leave me this week to go through my other things. I wanted mike to be here, but hes busy. Oh well. Im sure he’ll be able to help me at some point. Im mostly just worried that i’ll get upset. I asked dinyel to come over after work, it would be nice to see her and i want her to see my apartment since i won’t have it soon. I hope she can…that would be nice.
There was a big work problem this morning and it could turn out to be really bad, something was wrong with the software and we didn’t catch it…now theres big problems.
I guess i will have to bring cat over to mikes sometime this weekend. I want to do it when im there and this weekend i will be there…saturday and sunday…the weekend after im sure i’ll be packing or moving my furniture. I want this over as quickly as possilbe. I just need boxes and things. I’m sure it will be fine.
Everything will be fine although everything feels like it is falling apart. Im mostly worried about work now, i think that took some anxiety off of the move…unfortunatly, i think i would rather be more worried about the move then getting in trouble at work.
I have to leave soon, but not for another half hour. Im just laying on the couch….typing talking to dinyel. My place has never been this clean…figures….now that im leaving. UUGGHHH big sigh.
My mom was going to come over last night and help me fold laundry but ron called me and said that she threw her back out. Then she called me this morning all out of it and said she would come over, but she couldn’t understand or comprehend a word i was saying so i told her to just stay home and relax. I don’t want to be the reason she gets “worse”. Ugh i hope i don’t go crazy living there. But i’m at mike’s alot. so … thats good atleast. I’ll miss laying around with just cat cat and i…i’ll miss walking around naked..i’ll miss…well, i guess im not here that much anymore to miss anything else. Just relaxing alone is what i will miss. I’ll just miss my own little colorful world i’ve built for myself. My brother is right though, this isn’t my home, my home will be where i get settled for good. When i stop moving around. To be honest Mike’s house feels like home. My house doesn’t even feel like home like his house does. One day…one day i will be settled and not have to move all over the place. I’m tired of moving here and there, with my mom, out on my own for years then back to my mom’s …ugghhh but when mike and i move intogether it will be different…i know it will be. I’ll be done moving until we buy a new house if we do. That makes me happy. Im going to stay at my mom’s long enough to get out of debt and save a good amount of money first. Plus i don’t think the divorce is going through anytime soon, the papers aren’t even in yet. But if the divorce is final, and im not out of debt, i’ll still wait to move, that way i can help with all the bills and have a good savings account to back myself.
So this isn’t an end, or a failure, it is a break , a chance to get a head, and build a new future , and get rid of the past, start fresh. Atleast i don’t have to get rid of cat, i don’t think i would be able to take it if i did, i would just work 2 jobs and be horrible and still have my cat. Thank God mike is taking him….we would have to one day anyway. Im sure it will take a couple months until the cats get adjusted to everything, maybe even a bunch of months, cause they are so used to the way things go now, but i know it will happen we just have to be patient.
I can’t wait until my appointment is over…. so i can just start packing things. I think im going to go to the dollar store and see if they have plastic containers of any sort… Maybe i’ll go there now . Ok im gonna go i guess, get me out of the house and stop thinking. I’ll write tonight im sure.

Filed under: No More Egg Rolls on May 19th, 2006