When Enough is Enough

feeling torn, like i want to push everyone away, yet hold them close. Together or alone. Doesn’t seem to be my choice. I come last….always. Thats ok though…i will spend the night here… packing and drinking and crying , and packing and drinking and crying. My mom was going to come over but i told her i just wanted to be alone. I do i guess, but not really. I want to go over mikes but then i won’t get done the things i have to…and he won’t come over because he has things to do…so its a loose situation. I can’t expect him to give up things he has to do just for me….who am i. No one thats who…alone drifting in the world a lost soul. I feel this way now, but i won’t feel this way tomorrow, so im ok with that. I know this will pass and that makes it better. I can see both sides, i know all this is or isn’t true, I will find out tomorrow, depending on which of these thoughts are real. I will go back and read, to find out if its ridiculous, or if it is true.
I will go pick up the containers from him tonight…and then i will come back and do what i set out to do. I need those containers but he said he can’t drop them off now. Then he got upset because i didn’t tell him Michael my friend stopped by, and he told me i should of mentioned it and sounded upset or irritated, and i felt that way again…..i felt like i dissapointed him, and it feels like i always do, deeply hurt. He said that it wasn’t true, but the feeling won’t go away. I have issues and its all my fault. I overreact, but can’t stop it. Boy i must be annoying to him, why is he even with me, honestly. I am loosing everything. It feels better to write but i don’t want to anymore…im sure there will be more again later.

Filed under: No More Egg Rolls on May 19th, 2006