When Enough is Enough

So its morning time, im at work, not much to do again today, already finished 3 quarters of it….waiting till this afternoon to do the rest so i have something to do.
I was supposed to go over mikes last night but i didn’t i fell asleep. I was pissed because i really wanted to go over there, i was just soooo tired. Oh well, i will definitly go tonight. My mom is coming over to fold my clothes while i clean the rest of the house. So that is nice of her. i have to get it all done tonight. Then i’ll go over mikes. Im so awake today though!! I feel great and hyper!! Not much to say.

But i have made a descision that after i finish the little i have left of smoking im not going to do it anymore. I don’t want to , i think my phase is over. I was just thinking about that last night for some odd reason. And the bonus is it will make mike happy too!!!! I’ll just stick to drinking on the weekends . thats all i need and should be doing. So maybe this weekend i will bring it over to mikes and finish it and then be done with it. So i don’t even have to think about it anymore. I hope mike will be proud of me coming to that decision on my own. I love him and i thank him for letting me make my own descions.

For the first time yesturday i paniced and lied to mike at first about why i didn’t have my appointment. But i said the real reason right after. He kew anyway from reading my blog. I don’t know why i paniced. I was so afraid of getting in trouble i think. But i felt bad about trying to hide it, not changing the appointment. I feel like i’ve been letting him down a lot lately and i despise that feeling i really really do. Well atleast i know he reads my blog now LOL. some good came out of it.

Im getting better with the decision to move in with my mom. I am going to buy that chair that i want for 50.00 once the check comes in from the credit card. I don’t have it right now because of my other bills. But i will…im going to spoil myself so i have some comfort at that house. I don’t know…i really like i though, i can sit on my laptop and just fart around. Some place safe to go. I have to call the gas and cable company and find out when the billing cycle ends so i can cancel it. I just want to get out of there because i dont feel comfortable living in a place that he is going to be showing to people. I dont’ like that so i will start packing next week. And change my address at the post office. I guess i will have to. I’ll figure it out, bill by bill and everything. It will all come together. I know it .

So i think today is going to be a good day, boring at work, but a good day. I called the landlord and left him a message to find out what time he is coming to make sure im home, cause im going to sleep over mikes house and i want to be home in time. Lots of cleaning today!! But it will be easier with my mom there. Its always easier to clean when im not by myself for some reason.

I told mike im not going to smoke anymore im just going to finish off what i have on saturday or friday, then be done. I know im making the right decision for myself.. I think about it way too much. I feel like mike and i are going through a rough patch but not. Maybe its just me and my head making things up again. Maybe its cause i haven’t gone over there this week and i feel distant and miss him. But we’re fine so i don’t know why i think that. I love him so much i think i over analize things sometimes, like im so scared we’re going to break up or something.

Filed under: No More Egg Rolls on May 18th, 2006