When Enough is Enough

So last night i went to work, much anxiety but i went, the bar was dead so i left really early, I went home, took care of the cat litter and trash then i came back to mikes. Where I had red wine and a cigar , Im sitting outside at mikes right now its a beautiful day, smoking a cigar (yes again) and writing in here while mike makes lunch. Its sunday, so i am very happy today, i have off all day, besides doing work at home, and get to spend the whole day with mike, theres not a better sunday in the world, we are doing projects around the house and yard.
I talked to Michael breifly this morning, so that was nice. Just to say hi and stuff. He is going to a wine part, im jealous! But Mike is going to cook us dinner tonight, some sort of meat and we will have some red wine with dinner….I almost finished the whole bottle of the Yellow Tail Cab last night, so i have to go buy another for tonight lol. I asked mike if there was enough left in the bottle, he said not unless only one of us wants a glass, it was funny.
This is such a great day, if i didn’t say that already. mike brought out my lunch, the only bad thing is im not hungry but i guess i should eat.
My mom offered to give me money to pay for my cigars since i told her i was tight on money and shouldn’t of done it…..she said i think that she would just tack it on to the personal money i owe her…i might have to take her up on it though. I don’t know yet . I should call her though atleast to say hi and let her know im doing well today. I called her on the way to work last night to tell her i was anxious.
Im going to stay home a couple of nights this week, give us a little break so mike can get some stuff done, and i can be with cat and get stuff done around my house. I wonder if I will actually stick to that plan i always say i’ll do it, but never seem to.
I completly have writers block ….i can’t seem to get the emotions up to write a poem. I don’t know why. It sucks cause i want to …. maybe its the meds. Making me even and happy, and when im bad, i just write general stuff in my blog, i don’t write poetic. Weird, cause i really have a deep desire to write.
Oh my stomach hurts, i knew i shouldn’t of eaten. Damn it.
Mike and i messed around in the shower last night, we hadn’t done anything in awhile, afterwards i felt closer to him again, not as distant as i felt all day. It was weird, as if that brought us closer again. I don’t know what that is about. But whatever works i guess.
So my mom is going to stop by mikes and drop me off the cigar money. i can’t believe im accepting it from her. Weird, oh well, lots of weird things going on lately. But oh well.
Breezy summer almost day
Beautifl beating of the sun
Breeze softening my skin
Sweet kisses of fresh air
Fills me with overwhelming love
Thankfullness
For being alive today
For never giving in
Nasty thoughts used to plague my mind
So far now from that place
So much to live for
Even through the pain
At this point right now
Everything has come together
Every one is in harmony
Fears and anxiety has fled for today
Leaving a comfort and safeness in its place
Grateful for this break
Never taking it for granted
Not worrying about if and when it will disapear
Living in the moment
Of love

Filed under: No More Egg Rolls on April 30th, 2006