When Enough is Enough

Ok so lets see i guess i’ll start from the beginning after work i went to see Amy. We talked about how to handle my mom. I decided to go to dinner then confront her afterwards. So thats what happened, dinner and everything went well and all that…then i just said to her why do you think Aunt Carol thinks im not taking my medicine did you happen to say something to her. She said that she told my aunt about the one time i took my night time medicine late then woke up and didn’t go to work the next day. So whatever I left it at that. I didn’t have it in my to argue or accuse. I had talked to my brother earlier and he told me to be careful of Aunt Carol’s motives. If she just wants to talk crap on my mom all the time thats not good, if she just wants to have a relationship with me thats fine, he told me to be careful of her as well though. So now I am, we’re all going to dinner Wednesday, my aunt my grandmother and me. I kinda wish i didn’t make plans now, cause im not sure whos lying to me or if it even matters I guess.
So that was that. Before dinner i stopped somewhere and got what i needed for the night, went to see desiree’s place, then went to my moms. After dinner i went to mike’s did what i had to do , then sat there perfectly happy. Mike sat down stairs with me and watched tv as he worked on his laptop and i sat down there talking to mike and dinyel over IM. Mike and I smoked a cigar together. OMG the one I had was called Moontrance….sooooo goood. I’m hooked now i can’t wait to smoke one tonight. Although I probably will try a regular cigar instead of my flavored ones, im smoking them way to quickly i want to make them last and I want to see over the weekend how they go with wine. So maybe I will smoke one of mike’s regular cigars. I don’t think i will like it as much….but we’ll see. I also have a chocolate flavored one I can taste. Oh boy….I love cigars.
So Mike told me I wasn’t allowed in the kitchen, he was cooking something i wasn’t allowed to see. At about 930 I started smelling something sweet I knew they were brownies, you don’t get that smell confused, but I decided not to say it out loud. Well of course 20 min later I forgot about them all together…….he asked me to get some ice tea for him, and there they were…he even paused his show to hear my reaction. So that made me really happy….he not only sat downstairs with me but he made me brownies. I thought that was very sweet and a nice guesture. Hes such a great guy!!! We went to bed and fooled around with him for a while till it was over then went to bed….OMG i was so happy last night.
So needless to say now im at work, not in the mood today though to do any….I will get done what i have to i just have a feeling it will be on my time instead of immediatly. I went outside early to smoke this morning cause i couldn’t wait now im pissed cause its 930am and this is the time i normally go out but i already did. poo on sitting here at my desk. I get so antsy and being a chain smoker really doesn’t help me at all.
So i saved the rest of what i have, that will be for next time. Maybe i’ll ask mike if i can finish it tonight just so its gone. I don’t know how he’ll feel about it…but this time i will do whatever he says. If he thinks i should wait or if he thinks i should just finish it. This time i will do what he says…cause it is twice and that is different then what i planned. I love our relationship i really do. Hes so good to me, i have to think of something special i can do for him…hes always doing little things for me to show he cares…i don’t think i have been not that i know of anyway, but i want to come up with something very special !!!! Maybe this week i will cook him dinner from a recipe he gives me….I will give it a try or something like that. So he doesn’t have to cook. I know he likes that. hhmmm….i just want to do for him like he does for me ……..
I don’t ever want our relationship to be one sided. My other boss just showed up. the accountant was here early…what is going on….why can’t everyone besides mike and desiree leave so i can run and chase bouncy balls all day…I love doing that i find it so much fun…and everyone gets a kick out of it so it makes me very very happy …hehehehehehehehehehee…mike’s brother even got one from walmart when we went away and was standing at the top of the stairs throwing it downstairs and i was running up and down the stairs getting it. LOL
I find in the morning I can never stop writing I always have so much to say and so much to talk about….I am so differnet in the mornings then i am later in the day. I don’t know why…maybe its the initial caffine rush that allows me to be all hyper and giddy…i don’t get it LOL….I guess i will go for now im going to write an email, im sure i will be writing in here again through out the day as things unfold. Damn I was going to go smoke but the bosses are in the office together now and the one knows i already went out i guess once he goes back in his own office i will go out….isn’t that sad thats all i can think about …im such a fiend. I like when mike texts me when he gets here so i can go out and meet him to smoke, but hes been so late recently he doesn’t do that anymore. But that sure did make my day.
Shit I never paid my cable bill i will have to call them today, its not in my name so I hope they will let me…well atleast i will call and let them know im sending my payment in if they say i can’t do it over the phone. I have to go to the restruant tonight and i don’t want to, but the cash will be good and i do have off tomorrow. I hope I can go visit my niece in the morning…..Shit i also have been forgetting to fill out my mood chart, i am going to do that now. Ok that was easy everything was checked off as normal. I put notes on the back saying that when i did get sad it was circumstantial and it didn’t get too bad. I will check off something other than normal when something takes over me completly instead of just sadness cause my mom can be a duech bag.
I don’t even know if anyone reads these besides dinyel. If you do then i appriciate it…..I have to remind mike that i want to but a tracker on it so i can see if people go here or not. Im just curious. I would like to see what people think, i probably write so much that i loose peoples intrest cause i ramble a whole lot.
Well im going to smoke and going to get my cable bill so i can call them….ta ta for now

Filed under: No More Egg Rolls on April 25th, 2006