When Enough is Enough

Love is a funny thing, I am sitting with Mike at his house, drinking wine, which i might say is interesting on my medicine….doesn’t take much. All i want to do is to tell him how much i love him, is to kiss him for hours. I can’t do that…he is busy.
Alot has been going on … well kind of …. they are changing my medicine…they added paxil and xanax xr … the paxil doesn’t seem to be effecting me badly but the xanax is 2mg as is making me a zombie. I cut it in half today just so i could function properly at work tonight. I got a talking to if you will last night at Olive. My GM is very worried about me … i have not been myself lately very tired, out of it, i look high all of the time, my speech is slurred and slowed. I might have to go down to 1mg .
My mom has actually been a normal human being if not better. I have been relying on her more recently. She drove me to the doctor’s last wednesday and spent the day with me helping me do my laundry and things. Then i went to dinner at her house not that long afterwards. It is nice to have a “mom” I am wondering if things are different, but i don’t want to get my hopes up. To be honest i’ve needed someone to turn to, someone to spend time with. And she just to happened to be willing. Even my stepdad has been great. I’ve never felt this way, like i had a mom, someone i could call, someone i would want to keep me company. But i do now. I wonder if it will last.
So i think im drunk, mike is working on his laptop and so am i ….. i look around this house and i think that one day i will live here. He said to me that is what he wanted after the divorce has gone through, after he re does some of the rooms, it is odd to think we will live together. I shouldn’t say odd, i should say i can’t wait for it to happen. It is like that already practically, i am here all of the time, and i love it….i just can’t wait until the divorce is final. I don’t think he realizes how important that is to me , because he is not pushing for it to happen. Whether it is not having the time or what but i just wish it would happen.

Filed under: No More Egg Rolls on February 19th, 2006