When Enough is Enough

Not much to say, i slept late by accident, i stayed over mike’s last night and we were up until like 330am playing games. It was fun, it was nice to just hangout with him. I went home around 10 i think and went back to bed until 1pm. I got some work done when i woke up then most of my cleaning…i think. I still have to do floors and the bathroom, so i guess all i did was pick up and dust. I have to go to work soon, get ready in half an hour anyway.
You know, i feel bad sometimes because I am so in love with Mike. I feel almost like I am smothering him….I hope not. I hope he doesn’t get sick of me. I know he loves me and all, I don’t know. I feel very calm today despite the storms surrounding me. I think at this point I realize there is nothing more that I can do besides what I am doing. Tomorrow I might feel different but I will take the breaks from worring when I can get them.
Christmas is stressing me out because I don’t have enough money to get people what I want to. I don’t have enough time to paint what I want to for my sister and my mom. I have to go shopping tomorrow for stupid stuff and I would really rather not. Damn needing essentials. Oh well it will be ok. I hope i make good money at the restraunt tonight, that would help because I don’t work there again until Friday and I am used to getting money on Tuesday nights to get me through the week. I will just budget well.
I am having the test on Tuesday so i won’t spend any money and monday I have Amy but thats about it. I have to pick up my prescription tomorrow for the prep stuff. Ugh that won’t be fun. I start taking it at 4…i have to do it later because I have the appointment with Amy at like 1130 I think, I have to look, then wednesday I have to go to Erin during lunch…that will be 20 bucks too…shit, yeah I better make money tonight.
Back to Mike, its weird I can feel our relationship changing, we are getting to know each other better and be a lot more comfortable around each other…I just hope he doesn’t not like me because of who I am, that sounds gay and I can’t describe it…but i love how he is around me, I love who he is…… I like that he gets moody and stuff, I like that he is funny and we have fun together, he makes me laugh and he makes me happy. I think I have to back off a little with wanting to see him so much. He has a lot to do, and not being able to do it stresses him out. Maybe I will do my best to give him some more space, i don’t want him to be ..whats that word, I don’t remember, but basically blame me because he couldn’t get his business stuff done and be where he wants to be with it.
I need to be more proactive at work, I find myself just not knowing what to do, I get overwhelmed with the manual and the training class…its funny because the boss doesn’t. But I do, I should be doing a lot more and if i didn’t have to manage the store I would be able to be more attentive to the franchises. Like Mike comes up with good ideas that I should be thinking of and it makes me feel bad. He is super busy and still thinking of these things, I don’t know why I can’t and don’t and it is frustrating. I m doing the best I can, but i feel as though it isn’t good enough. oh well. i guess i’ll go and see if there is more work to do then get dressed and finally shower for work.

Filed under: No More Egg Rolls on December 3rd, 2005