When Enough is Enough

I love and hate the night. I love the night because i am usually up and ready to go, but i hate it when i’m alone. Maybe its just something about coming home from the restraunt late at night to an empty house. I never really know what to do with myself. Then again i might feel all out of sorts from drinking last night. It might throw off my medicine even if i only had a couple over the course of hours. But i was feeling fine mentally all day. I actually had a really great day. I got to wake up to mike then got to have lunch with people i adore and feel comfortable with, then i went to work and had a good night there too. It was my boss’s from my day job suprise 40th b-day party and it made me happy to be there. They were all very nice and easy. But now that i won’t get to see him I am sad. I feel sick still from throwing up last night and this morning, but i feel like drinking wtf. I want to call vicki and see what she is up to but i don’t know if i feel like driving all the way back up towards work. Then when i come home i will be sick again and still alone so that won’t help much will it. Atleast i will be tired or whatever. I have stuff to do tomorrow but nothing i have to really be up and good to go for.
I asked to Kareem to give my book back tomorrow. He asked me to do lunch at the same time. I told him no. I really wanted to get my book back tomorrow so that after he doesn’t work at the restraunt anymore I don’t have to talk to him anymore, i will have no reason. That is a good thing. Yes he could be a good friend, especially since he has moved on, but that is just not necessary. That is something i do not desire in my life. Im not saying he is a bad person I’m just saying its not necessary for him to be in my life anymore.
I texted Vicki and asked if she wanted to go to Stone Grill. She hasn’t wrote back yet. I don’t want to go far away but i will go there cause i don’t like the people and i can just sit there. If not i will just take my medicine and sit here. I need to finish my sister’s painting although i don’t feel like it.
im in such a weird mood and right now i feel very poorly about myself and the things in my life. I don’t know why. Vicki never texted me back, guess im not going out. I could just go by myself again. Right back to doing that shit. but why stay home if i want to go out just cause no one is around. UUGGHH i hate this feeling. Im talking to mike over IM and i am trying to explain to him how i feel and i don’t think it is coming out right. I think i am hungry.

Filed under: No More Egg Rolls on November 27th, 2005