When Enough is Enough

Good times yeah, i guess that medicine Abilify didn’t sit very well with me. It was sooooo anxious all week since i started taking it, i couldn’t breathe, i couldn’t stop crying, i felt like i was about to do something stupid, and it was much worse than it had been even when it has been bad. I was so out of my mind, and my body felt absolutley horrible. I called Amy on the emergency line, crying, she said it would be best to go to the ER to make sure it wasn’t anything with my meds, so i went. Thats another full story later because my mom and step dad were there…ugh as if a stressful situation needed to be anymore stressful. Whatever anyway, they said it was definitly my medicine and to stop taking it immidiatly, they gave me ativan and i rested awhile then went home. I was a completly different person today. I couldn’t picture being in the hospital yesurtday and being ready to give up on life, and to where i am now, perfectly fine.
I even went to work all day today to do that bar project i had been dreading. Everything came easily as it possibly could. It is so bizzare. I feel like im still trying to figure things out, and yesturday scared me how i was ready to do almost anything to get help. It seemed reasonable, i just wanted to the pain to stop, not my life, but i didn’t want to take it too far, looking back that is my fear.
Vicki came to the hospital , you can’t tell her no, and sat in the waiting room and would come back to check on me every now and then, that was nice, mike showed up but right as i was walking out. Apparently my mom called him and told him i wanted him there, which wasn’t true. She was just supposed to be calling him to tell him what was going on cause they were going to do tests. I had already taken my anxiety medicine so i had started to calm down when I was laying there.
I’ve been there before, and last time i took a handful of pills. I did what amy said about the hospital because i don’t want to do that…..I don’t want to loose everything i have worked so hard to get in my life, mike, my cat, my house, my car, my job, myself. Everything, i didn’t want to give up….but i felt like i didn’t have a choice.
I am going to really try and work on not getting myself so worked up over everything, to let things go, especially with work, i have to. Or else well, it won’t get better.
But now that i stopped that medicine, i feel as though i have a fresh start. And it is a good feeling.

Filed under: No More Egg Rolls on November 21st, 2005