When Enough is Enough

Damn it, i’ve decided no matter what i had to do today to get done what i need to i’m gonna do it…even if it means writing in this thing every half hour. I made a goals list before i took a shower. I know i am redundant in this thing and i probably say the same thing over and over again, but whatever. Ok so I was fine this morning, yes what i talked about earlier upset me but i was still fine, the moment i knew i wouldn’t see him, i cried. This is getting ridiculous and wearing down on me and frustrating me and i can only imagine what it is doing to him. He is not leaving me i am saying that over and over in my head…he just is busy. The past 2 days he has suprised me and came over without telling me and it made me sooo happy. How much to do I expect really. I don’t even think i expect it cause i know there is nothing wrong with him not coming over one day. jeepers..oh well
I want so much to be that girl who doesn’t care…well cares but can give space…i am that girl and i just wish i could show it…i just wish my fears didn’t over ride my thinking. I mean really…..it just hurts so unbelievable bad for no reason. I guess this is what i will work on ….starting tonight i will be going to the conselor every week, maybe that will help. I know this is going to be hard but i have to remember the end will be worth it…I can’t even imagine having a healthy relationship on my part…He is great and I suck oh well….

Filed under: No More Egg Rolls on October 10th, 2005