When Enough is Enough

I can’t even get along with friends…granted they may be close friends of the opposite sex, but seriously……..It is so frustrating. I know im sensitive and maybe looking back i will realize i was wrong. But right now i feel hurt, that doesn’t mean I’m wrong. Maybe tomorrow I will be wrong…but right now…..I’m completly justified. Reality twists and turns on me to the point where i feel like i’m going to snap. Its not that far fetched im streatching reality and the truth right now by accident. But how do i know. How do i know when my hurt feelings are justified. How do i know that the people that know about my condition aren’t going to use that against me and discard how i’m feeling because they think i’m nuts. Im rambling and not making any sense now. This is when I want to walk away. This is when i want to end friendships and relationships. Once there is one dissagreement or slight distrust…..my instinct is to end it and bury it deep so i don’t regret it later. But that never works…I always regret it over time, and i always wish i acted differently. My biggest thing is that you can’t control what people do or how people act the only thing you can control is how you react to the situation. Its not as easy as it sounds…but it is ideal. My problem right now is I can’t control how i react. I feel like i’m watching my life from the outside in….Like i can see whats happening but i can’t control anything I do. Its very surreal. Frustrating…dissapointing….But I know it won’t always be this way. It doesn’t have to be as long as I keep doing what i need to. One day I will know myself.

Filed under: No More Egg Rolls on September 16th, 2005